Watching the dog chase it's tail

For several years now I have, as have so many people been more and more pulled in and fascinated by social networks and their blogs. I read and rss many, and of course keep up with some here on Geeks too. I am however really taken in by this one guy whom seems to be killing himself to live. Does the same things again and again, he financially to cripples himself and then talks about how he will fix this, pulls himself back out again, only to repeat the process a few weeks to a month later.
The amazing thing here is, is that I wonder if he reads his own blogs. Maybe he could help himself get on a straighter path. He is giving out all of his symptoms to the world yet cannot see them for himself. I am also led in part to believe that much of his issues may very well be connected with his medical health and the fact that I think it to be tied to medications for mental stability. I have been told by many an intelligent folk that these medications have been known to be only a band aid at best and usually a one way path to senility eventually.

He also does not take direction (who of us does, right?) very well. In fact in many cases he will reason his way out of many good suggestions, and then come around to agree with them in his own way as if it were his own idea a few months later. This in of itself is admittedly a bit entertaining to watch but wish I could do something to help. My belief here is that he would not take my suggestions anyways, as I have already made a few suggestions, but he ties his reasons for not being able to do things, because of it being too expensive, then turns right around and buys things that could clearly have paid for what I am suggesting. Be it for health or tech.
It is interesting to watch life through a keyhole this way. Kind of like sitting in a mall and watching people act out as they go by. This person is far from alone in his own ways. I know I carry my own little "isms" that likely make me appear to be strange to others. This particular person of course puts himself out there for all to see, and in more than just blog forums. I wish him well, and wonder, do any of you watch or track particular behaviors in peoples blogs too ?

Tags: blogs, notes, people

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Comment by Cookenstein on May 24, 2009 at 11:22pm: I have lost many of my closest of friends by use of complete honesty. And yes, when people/friend ask what is my honest opinion on something I do tend to hesitate for this reason.
One more thing, you need not ever apologize for expressing your thoughts with me. Thank you for your thoughts.

Comment by Sol McNally Aka : Dmitri Girl on May 24, 2009 at 10:42pm: Rendercook-As far as keen insight goes. I just say what I know from experience. And I have been on both sides of this fence and am still personally working through some of this stuff in my own life. Well if you feel that your life may even resembling a parallel that explains why you would be following if you want to call it that or be fascinated with this person as well. People enjoy having people with similar issues. So you can talk about something. Although some people would say that it is a bad idea because then your rubbing off on each other. I say as long as you bounce good positive conversation there is nothing that is getting hurt. It also is a good way to blow off steam as well.

The reason why you probably...Feel helpless is you see history repeating itself. As if your causing something to be that way whether you feel you are inside or not you genuinely feel responsible for what you would consider not helping this person cause maybe someone helped you through this. But you can not help someone that does not want to he helped.

Defensive walls are there because some people put them up so that they can see who is willing to break them. Other times they come up for fear of people not talking to them. And besides those to things its a fear of change that they may become better and will have nothing to be sad or depressed about anymore and they have made all their friends through this so they feel its their comfort zone for friend making.

The fact that you want to help and have showed that you care shows a lot about you and as I said before. Someone has to want to be helped and no matter what you say to them if they don't want it they are not going to accept it. And when you trying to help somebody is starting to play on your guilty conscience or interfering with your own mental health its time to either take a break or let go. In my opinion.

People that use medications as escapes are usually the same kind of people that depended on some other addiction in their life at one point or time or are so the same now with some sort of liquid or other drug or medication humans are creatures of habit. The mental illness may go back to the parents even. Or they may have been traumatized as a child. The kid that got made fun of and currently has no self esteem because of it.

Everyone wants to feel welcome wanted and needed that is part of human nature and just emotional stabilization. To judge someone in the light of helping them rendercook. I don't think is the same as judging them in what I would consider a negative manner. The judging if you will to help is more of constructive criticism rather then what I would call attacking they can take your opinion of what you think should change with a grain of salt or a pound of salt and most people do. I always tell people consider the source. Do you respect their opinion and feel that they are looking out for your best interest. If so then take it with a pound of salt. If not take it with a grain the person that knows your flaws the best to yourself is you. If you do not see something as a flaw then you do not change that. If someone points it out to you as a flaw and its not one person but 20 then maybe it is something you should consider changing.

As far as making friends go. I have no problem making them. I am not trying to brag but it even says in multiple things that I have taken aptitude tests and all kinds of things that people love me and hate me in the same breath. And I am not going to hold back my thoughts. If I feel something is a certain way and it will or should be taken as such I will say it. The people that want you in there life are the people you want in yours. I have learned along the time the people that don't make an effort to keep in contact even somewhat are the people that you don't want in your life either. I have a quote which I am not sure if you read it . It says “Nothing in life is free my thoughts cost me the most friends” What I mean by that is sometimes telling people what you think or how you feel about something some people just can't handle. And some would say oh you need to bite your tongue. I say the people that realize that your trying to help them get to that level of perfection are the people you want to surround yourself with positive things and people that are on the same train of thought in this general direction you don't want to surround yourself with things that bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

These are once again only my opinions and opinions are just that opinions which are formed from my own experience and knowledge and the things that I have said. If you find them insightful awesome if you find them degrading unjust or otherwise I am sorry that you feel that way. I can only strive for my own perfection and hope that I am helping you along my same path.

Comment by Cookenstein on May 24, 2009 at 3:45pm: That is some very keen insight Dmitri Girl. I have watched this one in particular for reasons I cannot explain. Maybe some of it parallels some of my own behavior, and this is why I am so fascinated with this guy.
Regardless of what it is, it makes me feel a little helpless sitting back and reading his stuff from day to day. I believe he tries very much in his own way, but he also does get some very good suggestions here.
I have read many folks whom have responded to him with excellent solutions, but that defensive wall comes up, for reasons that I am sure are valid to himself, but on the outside looking in appear absolutely painful to watch. Like many an accident on the highway of life, we are sometimes drawn to it. We want to help but in many cases have to move on.
I do wish all of the best for him, and hope that for anyone whom suffers from bouts of depression and the many other health related problems, do go out and get real help, and don't just depend on a bottle of prescribed medicines to answer the problem, because it simply will not. Good nutrition and daily Exersize are key components.
I have watched this type of thing more than once in my life, in fact many times, and it always ends up pretty much the same way.
Hurting his or anyones feelings is nor was never my goal nor my concern in which to do, however I have found out the hard way that what you mean to say and what people interpret are two entirely different things.
It has happened here on Geeks on more than one occasion for me personally. All of us here come to this group loaded with our own opinions and answers to the questions asked and forums posted as if we are like the nectar of all that is true. Of course that is a silly comment, but to stand back and watch, it's not far from the mark. I am as guilty as any of this, and to judge someone for whom they are is not necessarily the right thing to do, but maybe, just maybe, if it helps them in any way to improve or help themselves, then in fact I have helped someone.

I think that is what most of us want to achieve here. the ability to help someone else through simple suggestion, or cartoon, or just a friendly hello. Making friends, is one of the hardest things to do, keeping them is a lifetime commitment.

Comment by Shtanto on May 24, 2009 at 2:27pm: I handle the problem by changing blogs every few years. That way I end up with a few different data sets that compare and contrast. Throw in a bit of data mining and patterns (detrimental or otherwise) begin to emerge, e.g. talking about doing things while resolutely avoiding all forms of action.

Comment by Sol McNally Aka : Dmitri Girl on May 24, 2009 at 2:18pm: Renderedcook. Sadly I know exactly who this is your speaking of. And I would say for myself. I have started to cut people of this sort out of my life for simple reasons. One of them being you can only help someone if they are willing to help themselves and realize their flaws. Someone who "believes" what they are doing to be ok or think what they are doing to be ok will never change.

As for people writing the same "blogs" over and over that has to do with their way of venting. I myself do this and have written similar blogs in short periods of time. And will sometimes even repost the same blogs. So to make it be known that things like this bother me. As most would say if your not passionate in your blogs no one really wants to read them. Although I do think that some need to consider what they say a little bit more before posting them for all to see. Some things in my opinion should be more personal and might be something you write down in a so called journal of sorts if it becomes something of what I would call a daily struggle of sorts.

With this all said your question of whether I track someone's behavior. There are times when I feel that some are just seeking attention and remorse or a kind word from someone. And to me it all depends on how I feel that day for me. Or what maybe I feel they are trying to gain out of it. As you said when it becomes a pattern and turns into a daily struggle I think it might need what one would call professional attention. Living and dealing with something is one thing making it literally the focus of all your conversation and such is a whole other can of worms that needs to be dealt with. If you can't deal with it yourself and are unwilling to admit that you need an opinion from someone you don't want to be friends with persay. The reason it is sometime better from a total stranger is due to the fact they can snap you out of that reality oblivion. And they don't have to worry so much about hurting someone's feelings. So in the end if you don't want to help yourself don't expect people to ride on the feel sorry for myself train forever.

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