The F-Word Addict

I like to swear. I have been told at various times in my life that I swear like a sailor, or more than an entire football team combined. These things may be true. I do, in fact, swear a lot. While I was in college, I had an adorable friend who was part of the "Christian crew". She was a bible study freak, timid and mild, and hardly ever uttered any word more vile than "crap". Actually, when most people swore she found it offensive, but not me. She always said that I made swearing sort of an art form.

I've never really looked hard at why I swear so much. I have to be honest, I don't really care. It's just something I do. It's not that I don't know when to stop. I can refrain from swearing when it's inappropriate, but I cannot seem to stop swearing in front of my son. This wasn't really a problem either until today, when he said the F-word.

A lot of the time I say "frak" because I'm a big geek and I like Battlestar Galactica, plus it's an excellent way of saying the F-word without saying the F-word. I don't say "frak" all the time, though. Today, I can't even remember what I was doing. It was something really stupid. Something wouldn't open, I think. Anyway, my son was standing right there at my feet and I lost my sh** and I said "What the f***?!"

Then he said it.

I wasn't sure he said it and I did the stupidest thing that any parent can possibly do when they aren't sure that their child has just said a swear word.

I said, "What did you say?"

Sons of bitches, I thought to myself.

"F***!" He said gleefully.

"Stop!" I squeaked.

"F***!" He giggled.

"No, don't say that!" I said, in a panicked and horrified tone, while imagining all the places we might go that he would bust out the F-word and my husband and I would be completely embarrassed.

After one or two more exchanges he realized he was holding a strawberry fruit bar in his hands and the F-word must have seemed less important so he got down to eating and I slunk away to the computer.

I thought it was all over until later on, just a little bit ago he got angry over something. I think we were trying to decide whether to watch Bob the Builder or Bear in the Big Blue House and I was trying to take a video out of his hands. In the heat of the argument he said, "F***!" At this point his Mimi had gotten home so I quickly shushed him and changed the subject, trying desperately to get his mind onto something else.

I just told my husband we're going to have to watch our F-word level. In all fairness, he doesn't swear nearly as much as I do and he's way better at not doing it in front of the kid. As a confirmed F-word addict, I am going to have to work extra hard to hold it in or at the very least use F-word substitution. What is it about the F-word that makes it slip out just when I want to use it the very least?