How to be treated like a king in a strip club
A note before I begin telling you how to be treated like a king in a strip club. I had only been to a strip club once in my life as of writing this, but it worked them damn it. Brian and I tried to get into this strip club by his house. It looked like a rundown barn on the outside, but when we went inside it was plush and nice and the girls were good looking. They kicked us out after five minutes because we weren’t twenty one yet. Broken we walked to our car. When we got to the back parking lot we saw the most amazingly beautiful girl. Then some scuzzy janitor gave her a mop and she starts mopping shit up. Brian and I vowed we would be back. This is an essay on how to recreate my first and only experience in a strip club on my twenty-first birthday.
First go at the beginning of the week preferably Monday. There will be fewer men there and the ladies will have more time to spend smoozing/hustling you. Spend about a hundred dollars in about an hour and a half. They like money at strip clubs.
Find the ugliest stripper in the room and talk to her for twenty minutes. Under no circumstances give her your cell phone or leave it easily available. She will get a hold of your cell phone and find the number of your unbearably shy friend and call him. She will talk dirty to him, and try to get him to come to a seedy strip club in the middle of the night. He will not like this that much nor will he like you very much for that matter.
After twenty minutes try and get rid of your ugly stripper. You will be impossible because you didn’t give her any money. I didn’t mention that, under no circumstances give her any money or buy her any drinks. You won’t feel good about giving her money be cause she will be obnoxious and abrasive.
Like I said, you will not be able to get rid of her. You will have to wait until it is her time to go and dance. As soon as she gets up to dance start searching the club for the best looking girl in the room. Go up to her and tell her you need her help. Under no circumstances can you afford to sound creepy when you say this. If you sound creepy or sleazy you will freak her out and have a run in with a Vinnie or a Bubba depending on what part of the city the club is in.
Politely ask the good looking stripper to sit down and talk to you. Buy her a shot. It will probably be a fake strip club shot where the shot glass is mostly glass, but makes it look like a full shot, but still costs you four dollars. It’s a nice gesture any way.
Explain to your new very pretty girl the situation with the ugly girl that won’t leave her alone. Good looking will always hate ugly because ugly is obnoxious, abrasive, and still makes more money than good looking because ugly is hustling hard all night long.
Now let’s review: You will never see the ugliest stripper in the club again, you never spent a single cent on her, and the best looking strip club likes you. Not a bad situation to be in. Have your new very attractive stripper bring over a friend for your friend. Her friend will always be very hot, because those girls travel in packs. Buy shots get dances from each of the girls. You will now have lots of girls because you are the new big spender, but you are almost out of money.
Here is the big secret when you spend the last of your money ask one of the girls if they have to pay to dance. They will say yes. Explain that it wasn’t always like that, and that there are now stripper unions where the girls get paid better and get insurance. You are now the hero to all the girls and you will not have to spend another dime.
First go at the beginning of the week preferably Monday. There will be fewer men there and the ladies will have more time to spend smoozing/hustling you. Spend about a hundred dollars in about an hour and a half. They like money at strip clubs.
Find the ugliest stripper in the room and talk to her for twenty minutes. Under no circumstances give her your cell phone or leave it easily available. She will get a hold of your cell phone and find the number of your unbearably shy friend and call him. She will talk dirty to him, and try to get him to come to a seedy strip club in the middle of the night. He will not like this that much nor will he like you very much for that matter.
After twenty minutes try and get rid of your ugly stripper. You will be impossible because you didn’t give her any money. I didn’t mention that, under no circumstances give her any money or buy her any drinks. You won’t feel good about giving her money be cause she will be obnoxious and abrasive.
Like I said, you will not be able to get rid of her. You will have to wait until it is her time to go and dance. As soon as she gets up to dance start searching the club for the best looking girl in the room. Go up to her and tell her you need her help. Under no circumstances can you afford to sound creepy when you say this. If you sound creepy or sleazy you will freak her out and have a run in with a Vinnie or a Bubba depending on what part of the city the club is in.
Politely ask the good looking stripper to sit down and talk to you. Buy her a shot. It will probably be a fake strip club shot where the shot glass is mostly glass, but makes it look like a full shot, but still costs you four dollars. It’s a nice gesture any way.
Explain to your new very pretty girl the situation with the ugly girl that won’t leave her alone. Good looking will always hate ugly because ugly is obnoxious, abrasive, and still makes more money than good looking because ugly is hustling hard all night long.
Now let’s review: You will never see the ugliest stripper in the club again, you never spent a single cent on her, and the best looking strip club likes you. Not a bad situation to be in. Have your new very attractive stripper bring over a friend for your friend. Her friend will always be very hot, because those girls travel in packs. Buy shots get dances from each of the girls. You will now have lots of girls because you are the new big spender, but you are almost out of money.
Here is the big secret when you spend the last of your money ask one of the girls if they have to pay to dance. They will say yes. Explain that it wasn’t always like that, and that there are now stripper unions where the girls get paid better and get insurance. You are now the hero to all the girls and you will not have to spend another dime.
Add a Comment
1 Comment
-
Comment by Nick on January 8, 2009 at 7:22pm -
is this coming from experience?
nick:)
Sign in
More Information
Pirillo's Posts
Lockergnome
© 2009 Created by Chris Pirillo
You need to be a member of Geeks! to add comments!
Join this social network