Don't Blink - Take Nothing For Granted

Fourteen years ago today, Nov 19th, my best friend Nikki was killed in a car accident. Both of us were pregnant at the time. Her baby died with her. The shock of what happened nearly cost me Beka's life. It threw me into labor, and the doctors had one hell of a time stopping it. I was in the hospital for nearly a week. They wouldn't let me attend Nikki's visitation or funeral. My doctor tried to convince me not to visit her grave site when I was released, and sent home on bed rest. Yeah. If you know me... you know how that turned out. I will make the drive there again today, as I do every year. I will sit at her grave and talk to her. I'll tell her all about the past year, even though I know she already knows.

You see, Nikki is still here. She's with me every day, every step of the way. I can 'see' her in my granddaughter. I can 'feel' her touch when I need her the most. I can 'hear' her laughter when something cracks me up. And I can 'taste' her tears on my cheeks when I cry. Her hand is in mine at times, or pushing at my back when I need an extra "oomph" to get over an obstacle in my life's path.

Even though I know these things... it's just not the same. I miss her damn it. I want to pick up the phone and call her. I want to drive over there and cry when something doesn't go my way. I want to send her giant balloons on her birthday. I want to burn the fucking popcorn again while we try to pretend we are NOT scared of those movies!!! Damn you, Jason Voorhees!!

I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her here. She was gone in the blink of a fucking eye. One instant. One idiotic fucking drunk driver. One nanosecond of time. Just like that, her life ended and took a part of mine with her. We were best friends for most of our lives. We laughed and cried together. We dressed up and went out together. We put our hair in ponytails and stayed in together. We fought, we argued, we made up. Through every single thing... we loved each other. That kind of true deep friendship is something that many people never experience. I was blessed to have it with Nikki.

If you read this post, I want you to do me a favor. Look around your life. Think of your loved ones, your significant others, your best friend. Call them up if you don't see them today, and tell them "hey. I love you you dork". Reach out in some small way to let them know what they mean to you. If you're mad... get over it and make up.

You will never realize how short life truly is until that instant in time when you blink...

Don't blink
Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don't blink
You just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"
Of fifty years is there in bed
And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster then you think
So Don't blink

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Comment by dede on January 18, 2009 at 2:53pm: ......touching........... :')

Comment by Edvard on November 28, 2008 at 6:35am: Good post, but sad :(

Take care
-Edvard

Comment by Flimmer Skjerm on November 28, 2008 at 6:32am: I share course the same sentiments as the others commenting your post. It is a bit weird though. You share some very private thoughts in this blog, but at the same time this is something most people - unfortunately - have experienced themself. Heh - well, beside me that is. The only people I ever have felt close to are my parents, and they are still alive.

But it makes you ponder on what kind of traces you leave behind, don't you? Nikki died 14 years ago, right at the dawn of the Internet. What you remember her by is based on memories, pictures - and perhaps some items. Today most of us leaves much more that describes us and our personalities behind. Just look at blogs like these, emails, the massive amounts of digital pictures, audio and video.

I wonder if these remnants influences how people remember us and interprets our actions after we are gone. Perhaps your memories are that much stronger because you do not have all those kind of remnants. Or perhaps this is just my lack of personal experience that makes me ask the wrong kind of questions. But I guess we will never get to know the answer to these questions.

One way or another - it must be a good for Nikkis relatives knowing that she has not been forgotten. I would assume this becomes more and more important to them as the years go by.

Comment by The Beard on November 27, 2008 at 9:41am: very well put hun.
your a very special person to us :)

Comment by ZEDD on November 21, 2008 at 8:17pm: nice post, God bless us all

Comment by Persian Paladin on November 19, 2008 at 2:28pm: Well said Kat, and God bless.

Comment by JT on November 19, 2008 at 2:27pm: Very touching! I lost my childhood best friend about 3 years ago and I know exactly what you mean. We even stayed close after he moved to Florida with his new (3rd) wife. His parents, who were my second parents, passed a few years before he did and me and my family were all he had left.

He was the brother that I never had. He would come up to visit me in Connecticut about twice a year. He even took out my significant other to lunch one day and I found out after the fact. I thought nothing of it except that i was jealous that I didn't spend the time with him myself.

Your writing brought back his memory to me.

Thank You!!

Comment by larry on November 19, 2008 at 2:14pm: God bless you.

Comment by Thomas Aleksander on November 19, 2008 at 12:58pm: Good post...
But sad :(

Comment by Grant on November 19, 2008 at 9:09am: I lost my best friend 4 years ago Kat. I'm going to take your advise. Thank you for the push in the proper direction.

Hope your day goes well. Life really is too short....luv, grant