Aglet

I don’t think like most people, there is probably something a little off with my brain. I obsess over what the name of the little plastic thing is on the end of your shoelaces. It’s called an aglet by the way. The night I figured that out I slept like a baby. But, whenever I get excited and tell a stranger about aglets they couldn’t care less. Come on people this stuff is interesting. So the next time one of your friends is trying to be funny and asks in a bad Seinfeld impersonation about the name of the plastic thing on the end of your shoelaces tell him in a deadpan voice it’s an aglet. He will no longer be your friend, but it will be funny…to you.

Because my brain doesn’t work like most peoples I am always coming up with ideas, some great, some good, some bizarre, mostly ridiculous and improbable.

One day while doing laundry I had an idea. Why couldn’t I put my load of laundry in the washer, it washes, then in the same machine it dries it. WHAT THE FUCK!? Why doesn’t this exist I kept thinking to myself. I did some looking around and I couldn’t find anyone who made it. This was now my quest in life. I will make a washer and dryer in one.

Thanks to my beautiful research assistant I got information on how washers and dryers work. All right, I don’t have a research assistant, my girlfriend was just tired of hearing me ramble about washing machines so she looked it up. Her dad said it was impossible, but when I learned how much empty space was inside of the machines I thought that it had to feasible.

I eventually decided not to pursue it. It didn’t seem like there would be much use for a washer and drier in one. I felt it was the bees knees of an idea, but it would just take you longer to do your laundry.
Six months later my uncle was showing me his new fancy RV, when he casually mentioned his washer and drier and one in the back. I began cursing. I didn’t stop for a long time.

One of the worst ideas I have ever had was the belt sanitizer. This was a product to be marketed to the severe obsessive compulsive. Think about it this way, you undo your belt to go to the bathroom, you use the bathroom, redo your belt then wash your hands to be sanitary. Your hands are clean, you might have some germs on your pants, but you wash those, almost no one washes their belt.

I quickly realized how terrible of an idea this is. There aren’t many obsessive compulsive people severe enough to buy my product. Plus the people that are bad off enough to buy my belt sanitizer probably wash there belts without my help anyway.