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I was at my friends house late into the night playing video games and getting quite smashed when Ben showed up. He made some casual comment about the twenty-five cent carwash and I asked what he was talking about, after I realized everyone else thought it was funny, but me. “What’s the twenty-five cent carwash?” I asked. Everyone stopped talking and laughing and began making comments about how they couldn’t believe I had never heard of the twenty-five cent carwash. “What the hell could be so dam… Continue

One day while walking to philosophy class I noticed something unusual. Out of the building walks two short cheerleader types talking in a horrible almost valley girl like speech. “Oh…My god Jenny, it was like so over the top….” One of them says. I began to get a nauseating shiver up my back when I see another girl behind the cheerleader types. This girl was very tall, around six feet. She was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. She had a lip and lebrey piercing. Her hair was full of pink and blue… Continue

A note before I begin telling you how to be treated like a king in a strip club. I had only been to a strip club once in my life as of writing this, but it worked them damn it. Brian and I tried to get into this strip club by his house. It looked like a rundown barn on the outside, but when we went inside it was plush and nice and the girls were good looking. They kicked us out after five minutes because we weren’t twenty one yet. Broken we walked to our car. When we got to the back parking lot… Continue

I don’t think like most people, there is probably something a little off with my brain. I obsess over what the name of the little plastic thing is on the end of your shoelaces. It’s called an aglet by the way. The night I figured that out I slept like a baby. But, whenever I get excited and tell a stranger about aglets they couldn’t care less. Come on people this stuff is interesting. So the next time one of your friends is trying to be funny and asks in a bad Seinfeld impersonation about the na… Continue

My first year at college I went to a big university. They had all these crazy old dorm buildings. A few days after I got there I was following these girls through one of the weird dorm buildings and they cut through the girls bathroom. If I went around I wouldn’t be able to find them. The girls said the coast was clear so I ran through. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Well the manish dorm nazi on the other side of the bathroom didn’t think so. I was put on probation, and requi… Continue