RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
Little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2.. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere....
But she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go
For our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
Toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
To sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
Because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8.. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
First name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless'

Tags: marriage, perfect, red, skelton

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by GrannyDiane on January 17, 2009 at 12:20pm: Red Skelton was definitely a great man. Loved him and enjoyed him. And miss his clean humor.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kaiya on January 17, 2009 at 1:24pm: I know what you mean. And its important to show compassion as well as humor to potential mates like this one time I had this guy screaming and banging on my door all night so I finally got up and let him OUT (lol).; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by GrannyDiane on January 17, 2009 at 1:35pm: LOL! That was funny! Thank you for the laugh. :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sol McNally Aka : Dmitri Girl on January 17, 2009 at 1:49pm: *hmms*; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by GrannyDiane on January 17, 2009 at 1:58pm: Sol, what's the matter? Didn't like Red Skelton? I think you are too young to know who he was.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Carlitos469 on January 17, 2009 at 2:06pm: awesome...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Greg De Santis on January 17, 2009 at 6:06pm: This is what help make Red Skeleton a classic. This is so funny I want to watch all of those original Dean Martin celebrity roasts again:); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mateus Augusto Lopes on January 17, 2009 at 6:59pm: I never heard of he in Brazil, but that was fun.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Phill on January 17, 2009 at 8:58pm: I enjoyed this A LOT! Thanks; ▶ Reply to This

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